How NOT to write a resume!!

Real-life resumes that will stun you.🙂 There are a lot more of such amazing literary pieces at http://www.resumania.com/ResumaniaArchive and  http://www.resumania.com/OnlineResumania.

  • Skills:  I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.                 Good to know.
  • Skills:  I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”           We’re waiting …
  • Cover letter:  I speak several languages, and I am very handsome.”            And modest, too.
  • Salary requirements:  The higher the better.”             Sure. Why not?
  • Reason for leaving:  Boring! No money! Hated it!”             Now tell us what you really think.
  • Objective:  Student today. Vice president tomarrow.”               Not so fast …
  • Objective:  A position that allows me to keep my sanity.”           Seems like a reasonable request …
  • Cover letter:  You are privileged to receive my resume.”       We’ll try not to let it go to our heads.
  • Experience:  I eat computers for lunch.”             He might be “byting” off more than he can chew.
  • “SALUTATION: To concern whom it may concern”          We’re concerned about your attention to detail.
  • Requirements:  You must provide my dogs with mineral water.”         Does it have to be sparkling?
  • Objective:  What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”     So you’re motivated by money?
  • Cover letter:  Please overlook my resume.”                   If you insist.
  • Objective: “Be important.”                At least your priorities are straight.
  • Cover letter: “After consideration of my situation from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”                 A little expert guidance is always good.
  • Education: “B.A. in Loberal Arts.”            Did you minor in ear piercing?
  • Cover letter: “I don’t usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so.”      Do you take requests?
  • Personal: “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.”          That’s reassuring …
  • Resume heading: “Career objection.”                   Overruled. Case (and candidate) dismissed.
  • Education: “College, September 1880 – June 1984.”              Must be a tough curriculum.
  • Achievements: “I have a current passport.”                This certainly puts your resume on top.
  • Qualifications: “I’m a lean, mean, accounting machine.”              It’s robo-accountant!
  • Cover letter: “I never take anything for granite.”           I think we’re already off to a rocky start.
  • Cover letter: “I was made to be the perfect employee.”             Against your wishes?
  • Current salary: “$36,000. Salary desired: $250,000.”           Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
  • Education: “My GPA at night is 3.0.”               Yes, but what is it at 8 a.m.?
  • “REFERENCES: Ask and ye shall receive.”         We hereby request thy references.
  • “QUALIFICATIONS: I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”             We’ll tell them you said so.
  • Qualifications:  Hire me, I have great hair.”                Guess that makes you a “model” employee.
  • Cover letter:  I’m submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption.”         Yum
  • Cover letter: “I’ve updated my resume so it’s more appalling to employers.”      We’re pretty shocked already …
  • Personal:  A wonderful son and two delicious grandchildren.”            We’re not that hungry for details.
  • “COVER LETTER: Dear Sir or Madman.”           Only the seriously deranged need reply.

Truly Amazing!!!😀

One Response to How NOT to write a resume!!

  1. tsk says:

    Refreshingly hilarious everytime you go through these typicl resume. I enjoyed reading once again after a gap of nearly a year or so. thank you

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