How NOT to write a resume!!
June 8, 2009 1 Comment
- Skills: I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home. Good to know.
- Skills: I have technical skills that will take your breath away.” We’re waiting …
- Cover letter: I speak several languages, and I am very handsome.” And modest, too.
- Salary requirements: The higher the better.” Sure. Why not?
- Reason for leaving: Boring! No money! Hated it!” Now tell us what you really think.
- Objective: Student today. Vice president tomarrow.” Not so fast …
- Objective: A position that allows me to keep my sanity.” Seems like a reasonable request …
- Cover letter: You are privileged to receive my resume.” We’ll try not to let it go to our heads.
- Experience: I eat computers for lunch.” He might be “byting” off more than he can chew.
- “SALUTATION: To concern whom it may concern” We’re concerned about your attention to detail.
- Requirements: You must provide my dogs with mineral water.” Does it have to be sparkling?
- Objective: What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.” So you’re motivated by money?
- Cover letter: Please overlook my resume.” If you insist.
- Objective: “Be important.” At least your priorities are straight.
- Cover letter: “After consideration of my situation from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.” A little expert guidance is always good.
- Education: “B.A. in Loberal Arts.” Did you minor in ear piercing?
- Cover letter: “I don’t usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so.” Do you take requests?
- Personal: “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.” That’s reassuring …
- Resume heading: “Career objection.” Overruled. Case (and candidate) dismissed.
- Education: “College, September 1880 – June 1984.” Must be a tough curriculum.
- Achievements: “I have a current passport.” This certainly puts your resume on top.
- Qualifications: “I’m a lean, mean, accounting machine.” It’s robo-accountant!
- Cover letter: “I never take anything for granite.” I think we’re already off to a rocky start.
- Cover letter: “I was made to be the perfect employee.” Against your wishes?
- Current salary: “$36,000. Salary desired: $250,000.” Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
- Education: “My GPA at night is 3.0.” Yes, but what is it at 8 a.m.?
- “REFERENCES: Ask and ye shall receive.” We hereby request thy references.
- “QUALIFICATIONS: I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.” We’ll tell them you said so.
- Qualifications: Hire me, I have great hair.” Guess that makes you a “model” employee.
- Cover letter: I’m submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption.” Yum
- Cover letter: “I’ve updated my resume so it’s more appalling to employers.” We’re pretty shocked already …
- Personal: A wonderful son and two delicious grandchildren.” We’re not that hungry for details.
- “COVER LETTER: Dear Sir or Madman.” Only the seriously deranged need reply.
Truly Amazing!!! 😀