Astronomical Hilarity

Here’s a collection of jokes on astronomy, all taken from various sites on the Internet. Have fun reading.

Copernicus’ parents: “Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you?”

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I once stayed up all night wondering where the sun went to at night…, – ….then it dawned on me.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, and then spoke. “Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent.”

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These aren’t astronomy, but are good all the same.

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Albert Einstein was so famous in the 19th century that he had almost toured all of the USA lecturing about his Theory of Relativity and Quantum Theory. One evening on their way to another speaking engagement in a far off state, his driver said to him.

“Professor you have been speaking the same lines since day one of your lecture and I myself could easily recite them without looking at your manuscript. If you wish on the next university let us change garments and I will deliver your lecture.”

The professor because of over fatigue accepted the idea. The driver acting as the real professor delivered the lecture eloquently as the scientist comfortably listening at the back. But before the driver, este “professor” could leave the rostrum a participant ask a question.

“Professor could you explain to us the application of Quantum Theory to photoelectricity?”

For one brief moment it seemed that that was it, but unfazed by his sudden predicament, the driver said: “The question is so simple that even my driver can handle it. Here he is, sitting in the back. Let him answer…” That saves the day of the professor.

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Q. How does Einstein begin a story?

A. Once upon a space-time,…

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Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’ Heisenberg says ‘No, but I know where I am.’


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